“You know, wearing that black suit and waving a big Japanese sword around does not make you the Saint.”
“Just play your part.” Henry mumbled through the face cover waving his Katana around. He knew it was a Katana because he knew that kind of thing from the comics. Unlike Kristl who was illiterate because she had never read comics as far as he knew.
“And what part was that again?”
“You are the Russian lesbian who just caught me red handed while stealing a formula from your masters safe. It is the one that changes water into vodka. Just say something with that foreign accent of yours.”
“I don’t play Russians very well. I am Austrian, that makes it a German accent, not a Russian one. And what is with the lesbian stuff all the time?” Kristl remarked.
“Well, your hair practically shouts lesbian.” Henry said.
“What is with the hair? Why does it make me look lesbian?”
“It is shaved but for long hair on top and you painted it black and white, that hairstyle went out of fashion two decades ago. Only women pretending to be men would want to look like that.” Henry said.
“I hate you!” Krisl fumed.
“Good, you can play the bad ass Russian better.” Henry smiled and crouched in a fighting stance.
Kristl face palmed and then said,”You are Simon Templar. An English gentleman thief. He never uses swords like that! Perhaps a saber or a cane, but not a weapon like that. Something stylish and English. You know: Roger Moore? Gentleman, under cooled humor, stiff upper lip, Rolls Royce.?”
“Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.”
“Oh god, you just don’t look at all like him, nor speak like him, nor have the same humor, nor have the style. You are so not Simon Templar.” Kristl groaned,
“Just like Val Kilmer?” Henry said.
“Yeah, just like him.” Kristl.
“Well, it would have not mattered to me, but it’s not even an exciting movie.” Henry put down the sword and removed his mask to reveal a grin.”The action sequences are plain boring. People shooting at him seem to miss even at point blank.”
“It’s pretty bad on any level.” Kristl,”The whole romantic bit is so cringe worthy. And how the Russians are portrayed like a bunch of money grabbers. It was probably meant to be funny.”
“You know that they considered having Kurt Russell play James Bond at the time?”
“Oh? You mean Kurt -Snake Plissken- Russell? ” Said Kristl.”The grumpy anti hero from Escape From New York?” Kristl considered that for a minute.
“It is a joke.” Henry laughed.
“He would have made a better Bond that Kilmer makes a Saint” Kristl said.
“It wasn’t Kurt Russell they considered, it was Mel Gibson.”