“So Kristl, this will be the key scene. You play the commie commander and are about to make a victory speech in the center of the town. And I am the leader of the resistance and we attack because we want to capture you..” Henry explained.
“How about my guards? Won’t they kill you?” Kristl said.
“They will try, but I will shoot them all.”
“With that gun? It doesn’t look impressive.”
“It is a BB gun, just imagine it is an assault rifle.”
“So a teenage resistance force frontally assaults heavily armed guards in broad daylight to capture the commander.What then?”
“Then I take you hostage and have you order all your men to leave.”
“I see. So… how would my men leave? They were parachuted in, they can’t parachute out? Does Spokane even have an airfield?”
“They have a small airfield. Probably too small. However Spokane is an important railway hub. So they leave by train. Easy as pie!” Henry said, “And then we liberate the rest of the country in the same way: we capture the leaders and force them to order their troops to leave..”
“Gosh. I wonder why they didn’t think of that before. Like they could have dropped a band of teenagers into Berlin to capture Hitler. Still, I lack some context to understand this. Like: I am Caucasian commanding North Korean troops, how did that come about?”
“Because you are the daughter of an western soldier who was captured during the Korean war. They brainwashed your dad and you of course. Now you are a fanatical commie.”
“I see.. Maybe I should wear an eye-patch? I mean bad people wear eye-patches, so you know they are bad. Although, Snake Plisken did wear an eye patch too and he was not a bad guy, even though you can not call him a good guy either.”
“You don’t need to wear one, because people will know you are bad, because you wear a mustache. “ Henry added, “And that is because you are a commie.. and a lesbian of course.”
“I am a lesbian..”
“It fits doesn’t it. Most lefties are lesbians and they don’t shave of course. So you got a mustache to show that. And it shows you are an evil commander. It is instinct. And you are sexually frustrated of course, so you torture men.”
“Can I hang some men during my victory scene?”
“Of course. An evil victory is no proper evil victory without a good hanging!”
“So you got that part take care of. How about my henchman, the mayor?”
“What about him?”
“In the movie he is black. Won’t it hurt sales to have a black guy as a traitor?I mean, for the movie the enemy was changed from Chinese into North Koreans because they feared it might hurt their sales in China. Consider what it will do to the sales in your country if a black guy is a bad guy. Or for the rest of the world for that matter? It might even explain why the movie did not do so well.”
“Hmm. You are right. We got to change him into something else..hmm.. But, into what? I mean any substantial minority group might take exception. Maybe Indians?.. No.. Maybe he can be an immigrant from some minor European country.. like.. What minor countries in Europe are there?”
“There is Luxembourg, Liechtenstein and..”
“Liechtenstein will do.. He is an immigrant from Liechtenstein. And a democrat, cause a republican wouldn’t cooperate with commies.”
“A democrat immigrant mayor?”
“Yeah.The only thing we’re missing are some hot girls to spice things up..”
“How about a deadly vixen in a tight suit. Like Milla Jovovich or Kate Beckinsale or Hale Berry?” Kristl smiled.
“Nah. In this movie the hero is a guy. No need for a detraction from the main show. We have some cheerleaders and schoolgirls in pigtails and skirts toting guns. That will be enough.”
“There, you got all bases covered.”
“Right. Now let’s play this scene!” Henry enthusiastically waved his gun around.
But Kristl lifted a hand to stop him. “Hold on! I hear a phone ringing!”
“Not now!” Henry groaned.
“Let’s get it, it might be a Hollywood producer who got wind of this script and wants to turn it into a movie!”